Erynn Wrote This: Email Facts of Life



Date: Mon, 31 Aug 1998 12:44:21 -0400 (EDT)
From: Erynn LeRoy <erwyn@flinet.com>
Reply-To: Erynn LeRoy <erwyn@flinet.com>
To: Mark Schaefer <marks@flinet.com>, bernards@hsi-pos.com,
        Matt <matt@steinhoff.net>, Floodly <flood@evcom.net>,
        "J. S. Karp" <jobe@flinet.com>, Jeff Dafoe <spotty@flinet.com>,
        Dyann LeRoy <dyann@flinet.com>, Grant <72634.1031@CompuServe.COM>,
        musashi@evcom.net, Claudia <lis1@cris.com>,
        Ryan Hardy <ryan@flinet.com>, Voltaire <voltaire@flinet.com>,
        Gavin Hall <gavin@flinet.com>, ksteinhoff@pbnews.com,
        krista@ephemia.annex.net, cliffcr3@ephemia.annex.net,
        rprice3@virtu.sar.usf.edu, Brett Combast <keldenar@flinet.com>,
        silence@ao.net, Wendy <wendyhutton@hotmail.com>,
        Wayne Bartnick <amorphis@flinet.com>, Tony Albano <tony@flinet.com>
Subject: SAVE BERNARD
Message-ID: <Pine.BSI.3.96.980831123251.20486C-100000@shell.flinet.com>
Reply: No
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII
Status:   


Today was the last straw. I got another copy of the "Disney is going to
give 13,000 people a free vacation if this message annoys at least 10% of
the Internet population" spam. 

I don't know how these things get started, but I've decided to start my
own, and I'm counting on all of you to help pass it on. You won't get a
free copy of Windows98 for doing so, but if enough copies of the message
get out, I will consider NOT killing the last person who sent me the
Disney spam. Yes, Bernard's life is in your hands! He was trying to be
ironic, but he forced me to read it again anyway, and now God Will Call
Bernard Home if this message doesn't reach exactly 8,993 people. 

Here it goes.

Erynn's Email Facts Of Life

1. Big companies don't do business via chain letter. Bill Gates is not
giving you $1000, and Disney is not giving you a free vacation. There is
no baby food company issuing class-action checks. You can relax; there is
no need to pass it on "just in case it's true". Furthermore, just because
someone said in the message, four generations back, that "we checked it
out and it's legit", does not actually make it true. 


2. There is no kidney theft ring in New Orleans. No one is waking up in a
bathtub full of ice, even if a friend of a friend swears it happened to
their cousin. If you are hellbent on believing the kidney-theft ring
stories, please see:

http://urbanlegends.tqn.com/library/weekly/aa062997.htm

And I quote: "The National Kidney Foundation has repeatedly issued
requests for actual victims of organ thieves to come forward and tell
their stories. None have." That's "none" as in "zero". Not even your
friend's cousin. 


3. Neiman Marcus doesn't really sell a $200 cookie recipe. And even if
they do, we all have it. And even if you don't, you can get a copy at:

http://www.bl.net/forwards/cookie.html

Then, if you make the recipe, decide the cookies are that awesome, feel
free to pass the recipe on - sans the Neiman Marcus story. 


4. We all know all 500 ways to drive your roommates crazy.


5. We all know how many usenet posters it takes to change a lightbulb.


6. Even if the latest NASA rocket disaster(s) DID contain plutonium that
went to particulate over the eastern seaboard, do you REALLY think this
information would reach the public via an AOL chain-letter?


7. There is no "Good Times" virus. In fact, you should never, ever, ever
forward any email containing any virus warning unless you first confirm it
at an actual site of an actual company that actually deals with virii. Try
http://www.norton.com. And even then, don't forward it. We don't care.


8. If your CC: list is regularly longer than the actual content of your
message, you're probably going to Hell.


9. If you're using Outlook, IE, or Netscape to write email, turn off the
"HTML encoding." Those of us on unix shells can't read it, and don't care
enough to save the attachment and then view it with a web browser, since
you're probably forwarding us a copy of the Neiman Marcus Cookie Recipe
anyway. 


10. If you still absolutely MUST forward that 10th-generation message from
a friend, at least have the decency to trim the eight miles of headers
showing everyone else who's received it over the last 6 months.

But even then, you WILL be putting Bernard's life at stake. Don't say you
weren't warned.

Sincerely,
Erynn LeRoy